My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. He wants to stop using condoms. We haven’t gotten tested together yet, but he says he got tested this year and he is negative. I know that I am negative. What must I do? I don’t want to lose him?

Thank you for your letter. I am very happy to hear that you and your boyfriend have tested for HIV. It is very important that we all know our status and taking a test is the only way to do so. However, the HIV test does not prevent you from getting HIV. You can test today and have unprotected sex tomorrow. If you do not change your behaviour, an HIV test will not prevent you from getting infected.

In terms of your relationship, you say you have only known your partner for four months? Are you sure that he is not having sex with other people? The only way you can ensure that you stay negative, if you stop using condoms, is if you are sure that the two of you will only have sex with each other – and that he has not had sex with anyone else since he was tested. Research in sub-Saharan Africa suggests that most people have more than one sexual partner, putting all the people they have sex with at risk of contracting HIV.

I understand that you do not want to lose your boyfriend, but I hope that you value your health as much as you value your relationship. I think if your boyfriend loves you he will want to keep you safe from HIV. I suggest that you talk to him and make him understand that, unless you are sure that you will have sex only with each other, you should use a condom when you have sex. If he assures you that he will only have sex with you and you are sure that he has had sex with anyone else since he was tested earlier this year, it will be up to you to decide whether to stop using condoms. My feeling is that four months is a short period in which to make up your mind. I think you need to continue using condoms, but I trust you to make an informed choice for yourself.