I’ve recently found out that I am HIV-positive. I really need my parents to help me financially, but I’m really scared of telling them. What should I do?

I am very sorry to hear about your result. However, please remember that HIV is like any other illness because with treatment you can live a long and productive life. I also want to congratulate you for finding out your status because it means that you can take better care of yourself and writing to me is a step towards taking care of yourself.

Unfortunately for most people, the fear of how people close to them will react to their news of a positive HIV result is more than the fear of the diagnosis itself.

There are a number of reasons, but most of us fear rejection, especially from people we love. For some people the fear of rejection has been justified, while for others it was just a feeling they had to overcome; when they disclosed to their family, the reaction was love, acceptance and support.

I cannot tell you what your family’s response will be. But I know that most discrimination is caused by ignorance. So, before you talk to your family, please make sure that they have factual information about HIV. Sometimes it is the lack of factual information that makes people discriminate against those who are HIV-positive.

You must also weigh your options with regards to needing financial support from your parents. Are they currently supporting you? If they are, is their support dependent on your HIV status? If, however, they are not supporting you currently, please make sure that you do not disclose to them only because you need financial support. They may feel used and may not want to support you. Explore other options of support if you suspect that you may face some problems with your family.

Whatever you decide, you may want to take someone your family respect along with you to talk to your family.

Good luck,

Lebo