How do I tell my partner I’ve just tested HIV-positive?

An HIV-positive result can be life-changing. It forces you to think seriously about your life and what you want from it. Telling those who are close to you is a very important and responsible step. It means that you take your life seriously and you value your relationships.

Nobody can guarantee how someone will react to any life-changing news. How a person reacts depends on how much they know about HIV, whether or not the two of you have used condoms in your relationship, how secure they are in themselves and how much they value the relationship.

It is also important to note that sometimes people react badly when they hear news for the first time, but once they have thought about it they calm down and come back to their senses.

Having said all of this, this is what I recommend:

• Make sure that your partner knows enough facts about HIV before you talk to him or her, in order to clear up any myths.
• Depending on how you think your partner reacts to startling or unexpected news, you may want to have someone with you when you break the news. It may be someone both of you trust and respect. When you decide to break the news, make sure that you have enough time to deal with questions and that you are not in a rush to go anywhere.
• Respect your partner’s feelings. If he or she shuts down or does not react in the way you imagined, give him or her time. Respect your feelings and communicate them clearly. If the conversation upsets you (perhaps if your partner starts blaming you), ask him or her to continue the discussion some other time because you are feeling upset.
Whatever happens, do not blame yourself or anyone else. Stick to the discussion about HIV and what it means to you and your relationship. You may not have all the answers and that is okay. You may have fears but that is okay. HIV is a permanent condition. You can take time to deal with all your emotions and all your fears.

Good luck.

Sis’ Lebo